Thursday, October 28, 2010

weekend visit

My book of the weekend: "Philosophy: Who Needs It" by Ayn Rand. Those of you who have ever seen an interview on youtube or read one of Meg and Dia anywhere on the web, you have probably heard us talk about the pleasure we find in reading. Anywhere that "reading" is mentioned, you have probably heard me mention Ayn Rand. Anywhere and anytime I can I promote her work. So since this is my blog I'll do what I want. ha ha. Read Ayn Rand! I read this passage that I found particularly moving. You won't know what context it is in, so I'll write it here and explain later.:

First of all Ayn Rand wrote an article on the Alcoholics Anonymous' serenity prayer. If you haven't heard of this prayer let me enlighten you now. 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference" 

Those are some of the most powerful combination of words I have ever heard.

This is the Ayn Rand excerpt:

"Unable to determine what they can or cannot change, some men attempt to "rewrite reality", i.e., to alter the nature of the metaphysically given. Some dream of a universe in which man experiences nothing but happiness-no pain, no frustration, no illness- and wonder why they lose the desire to improve their life on earth. Some feel that they would be brave, honest, ambitious in a world where everyone automatically shared these virtues- but not in the world as it is. Some dread the thought of eventual death-and never undertake the task of living."

I thought, my goodness, this is me. My old tour manager used to always say in anger " You Frampton girls can never accept reality the way it is!" He would say this after we wine about not being able to find a starbucks on an abandoned highway on tour. And now that I'm older, and I'm finally accumulating a very decent amount of hardships and sorrows (if I do say so myself) I'm angered that I can't have my perfect happy world, which is why I sometimes inappropriately long for my childhood again. (I am writing a song about this now by the way)

But if I can only accept that terrible things could happen... I might be unemployed, maybe my family will break up, maybe somebody I love, or even myself develops a serious illness tomorrow. This is real life you know? I can't be upset at myself for being irritated in traffic or for mouthing off to my band members in practice. No one is perfect. We aren't all robots. All of us emotional beings are flux in the universe and I have to accept that. I have to accept death, and even though I want to be immortal I've only got a finite time to live. 

We all have to accept all of it, the good and the bad, and not beat ourselves up when we can't find perfection. 

I even find myself in my current relationship becoming upset over things he did that weren't perfect and things that I might have said that were less the "princess dialogue" maybe even on the edge of hurtful, and I want our "honeymoon stage" back. I long for the beginning of the relationship, when this man was perfect in my eyes are there were no such problems as "who's going to pay for what meal" and who isn't "spending enough time" with who. I have longed for the beginning of the relationship just like I have longed for the beginning of my life, my childhood. 

But, while I have been down south, visiting my family, I saw my younger sister. (Not Dia, another one who is nine). I'm jealous of her little life every time I visit. She has school, and friends, and no responsibility. She is always bright and happy and incredibly intelligent. I want her life...usually. But finally I have come to the point where, after passing my little sis in the hall on my way outside to ruminate over my churning thoughts, I think to myself "No, I want my life. I want my life with all the problems, complexities, subtleties, mistakes. You know why?

 Because it's colorful.

6 comments:

  1. I really appreciate my childhood since I entered college. Because I'm having no fun and no sleep at all. That's a superficial reason but I know I couldn't go back to how things used to be so I'd rather accept the now and make the most out of it. So that one day when I really have a good job, I would be very proud of my what and where I have been. Thanks Meg, for a really wonderful blog.

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  2. I made a painting like the EP cover of "The One" here: http://dysthymicanvas.blogspot.com/2010/10/one-2010-medium-poster-paint-note-this.html please check it out. Though, it didn't turned out very well.

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  3. ahh, you dont have to be jealous that ur little sister has friends! you have them too, all over the world.

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  4. Reading this blog actually reminded me to finish Philosophy: Who Needs It this weekend :)

    We have a Students of Ayn Rand club on my college campus and this is one of her works I started to read in the beginning of this semester.

    Man I love it when my favorite musicians love the same books just as much as I do.

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  5. I agree that complexities and sufferings add "Color" to our lives. But even more so, I think they give life a certain depth; it has purpose. When you talk about the earlier part of your relationship, it sounds like it was about feelings, which isn't bad. But I think stronger, more beautiful relationships come with trial and commitment. If you choose to love them, even when they are being a pain in the ass, I think that is a stronger love. And it couldn't be stronger without that trial to show the strength of the relationship. Blah blah blah. Anyway, keep these coming! :D

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  6. i have my childhood right here in my head, it's never gone, so i don't have to mourn it's loss... it fits in naturally with my responsible 'adult' life because it is me, the child i was is the child i am... i deal with different responsibilities now, many more others depend on me than back when my responsibilities were explaining why i nodded off in class (or not getting caught at it) or functioning on two hours sleep for four days or keeping the statistics and making publicity posters for the football team or winning a spelling bee, but i still deal with responsibilities the same way now as i did then - the game is do the best i can while enjoying it as much as possible and whenever possible, share it with someone or others who want to and can do the same...

    it is really even simpler than this explanation :)

    the most challenging aspects are the transitions between levels of responsibilities and the re-balancing of free time (and that may be the biggest challenge, accepting that the years usually allow less free time cuz responsilities seem to multiply exponentially, but that just means the free time is more of a treasure), like transitions between primary school and middle school and high school, the transitions into financial independence and a working relationship with others and compromising on some life-hopes, wants, and desires (or dreams - because if we try for them all, we'll probably miss most of them and walk around disappointed instead of elated to have actualized a few) are just transitions, right up through retirement and body-deterioration and illness and 'old age' and death...

    not being afraid of change helps a lot :)

    and color is a wonderful way to describe the changes and growth in diverse responsibilities that the years bring... ideally, life becomes a rainbow (or a tapestry, to reference carole king) because we learn to balance and enjoy, rather than spread ourselves too thin and focus on complaint (though a good pity-party and whining jag can be a great cathertic awakening and i allow myself to experience that whenever the pressures of life weigh me down too much and then i remember that the glass is half full, even if we see it differently and i smile because i remember that rain brings rainbows and i can see rainbows through my tears :)

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