Tuesday, June 28, 2011

You Could Say I'm Ambitious.

With all my faults (and we all have them), at least I know I've got "ambition" going for me. I receive so many emails, convos, and notes from you guys saying very encouraging things like "good to see females achieving success" or "I knew you and your sister were going to do great things!" Thank you. Thanks for these very kind words. I get a lot of inspiration and hope from you guys. It has meant so much to me, especially at this point in my life.

 Lately, a scene from Ayn Rand's book "Atlas Shrugged" has been replaying over and over in my mind. The one in which James' friends, the government croonies, have dealt Dagny the final blow. I picture an ariel view of a strong woman inside a fragile body lying limp and exhausted on her desk.

Although that scene should be discouraging, I've always looked at it as encouraging, and I'll tell you why.  Life isn't easy. We all know this. There are so many obstacles, and at some point, and maybe at many points for a lot of us, there is a lot of heavy weight from problems and catastrophes weighing down on us. I see that in Dagny, just like I've felt that feeling in myself, but the reason why that scene gives me hope is because I understand Dagny's character, that although she is very broken at the moment, she will always regain her determination, and get back up and try again.

I spoke with a good friend of mine about his broken heart last night. My voice has sounded like his voice coming through the line, so many times. Although my current struggles don't involve heartbreak, I know that that feeling is the hardest emotion to cope with. I told him about my late concerns, too personal to relay in a blog. I'd like to write about the general feeling that my friend and I had both shared of "being stuck", the feeling of a "hopelessness" and "not being able to get out of it"

Now, there is no way I could take enough yoga classes or drink enough chamomile tea to make me bounce around with the lightness of a ten-year old once again. But, my friend told me in order to heal, you have to get down to the root of the problem, and work it out, and just maybe it will require a gigantic change of heart, a scary, gigantic change of heart.

Today, I was just driving home from the post office (sending out a bin of your orders:) and feeling a tug on my heartstrings and soul that just hasn't been able to get up and leave me alone quite yet. It's been there for some time, and I buy groceries with it there, hold hands with my lover with it there, eat breakfast with it there, and make jewelry with it there. I know it's not going to be easy for that pressure holding on to me to leave, but I have a lot of hope that someday, I'll get up with the sun, and forget that I ever felt it at all.


It's times like these when other artists' help me out tremendously. A huge comfort has been any film by Woody Allen. The most recent movie I saw of his was "Midnight in Paris". I could just sob right now thinking of the beauty of the scenes in his film. His art makes me reach out and grab my fantasies, my dreams, whether it's similar to his dreams of a quaint little flat in Paris, with mystery, and love, and freedom, or whether it's something else.

You know, I just feel like so many of us settle in our lives. We get lost and decide because maybe we feel like we are running out of time, "O.k. well I guess this it. This is good enough", but it shouldn't just stop there. Don't be lazy. Every day could and should be incredible and just like you had always dreamed of designing your life and your days!

If you are all feeling light, like the lightness in "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" (read this book!), I envy you and celebrate your happiness. If you are feeling a slight tug at your soul strings, I encourage you to not lose sight of what your looking for, what your desiring to feel. Search for your inspiration through art and late night phone conversations with long lost friends. We'll all get it back soon.


Honestly,
Meg

13 comments:

  1. I definitely understand that feeling of hopelessness and being stuck.
    If only we could all feel a lightness like in 'The Unbarable Lightness of Being' hehe.

    Anyways, great blog, gave me a lot to ponder. :)




    "Here lies Karenin. He gave birth to two rolls and a bee" :P

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  2. I'm very much needing a "spark" in my life.
    Thank you for giving me a slight nudge in the right direction.

    It's the worst not being able to articulate what exactly is bothering you.

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  3. I just want to say thank you for this post. Even when you know you're not the only one feeling this way it's still nice to hear it. I wish you the best of luck with your inspiration.

    I love your work in music and art and I'm saving up for a chandler.

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  4. I just saw Midnight in Paris last night and I loved it! I felt the same way watching the film.

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  5. Hi Meg. Robot art looks pretty cool. I'll watch your sister on TV today.

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  6. Whoa! I just watched a video of your sister on the voice! She does look like you! I hope she wins!

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  7. Meg! I picked up the Unbearable Lightness of Being today. I'm excited to read it 'cause you have good taste in books.
    We're all very proud of Dia, she did amazing.

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  8. Beautifully written.

    It's been close to two years since I lost my loved one, not to passing, but to her leaving. After being together for a near decade, to this day it still feels like a death in my life.

    Your writing feels honest and genuine and I truly appreciate that. It brings me hope and inspiration to read that someone else out there is searching for that "lightness".

    Keep inspiring those around you.
    -christian

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  9. As a college student and a writer, I often have thoughts of failure. Some days, it's just wondering which university will accept me and whether I'll actually get there. Other days, it's writing here and there and wondering if people will relate to it and understand it. Many times, these thoughts of failure have gotten in the way of my writing. I'll get so down on myself that I don't even finish some of my stories, and I feel like Hell will freeze over before I let anyone even take a glance at it because my writings reflect my feelings, mostly of being stuck in life.

    I look at myself and don't feel like a typical 20-year-old. I mean, I have my hopes and dreams for the future. I have goals I want to achieve but they seem light-years away. I also have several family obligations that wear me down and take precedence to anything else I have going on in life, including my dreams. Then I look at my friends and fellow college students, and they don't seem nearly as bogged down with worries as I do. I log-on to Facebook, act like a creeper reading their statuses, and comment on their photos and wonder why I can't be as care-free as them. Why am I always that person at the party who never seems to loosen up and have a good time? It's like I'm stuck in a world where I don't belong. I feel so foreign living in East Texas, and I've lived here for over half of my life. It's the only home I can recall and the only place where I can easily find my way back to if I get lost.

    But there are also times like these when I read your blog, or the blog of any other artist for that matter, and realize life will truly get better. I know people close to me tell me all the time that these feelings are temporary. They'll pass, and when they do, you'll feel lighter than you did before. It's just hard to believe them sometimes when the world feels like it's caving in around you. Getting caught up in reading is just one of the few ways I keep unwanted thoughts at bay, and being a very picky reader who more than likely has an undiagnosed case of ADD, it gives me great comfort to be able to read your blog and leave my troubles behind. I realize that you're at a much different place in life than I am, but your words are none the less inspiring.

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  10. "Lord, all my desire is before You;
    And my sighing is not hidden from You." - Psalm 38:9

    you may not believe what i believe, but i find comfort in my God knowing that He knows me. I agree that all half fallen short with mistakes (how are we going to learn in life, if we don't make mistakes), we're not perfect) -- and I believe what matters most is how you respond to the failure that is set before you. One can mope and stay in that stage or get up and try again. (that's where and when maturity kicks in)

    we all go through those moments where it's unclear, feeling lost, hopelessness but know that you're not going through it by yourself.

    There is hope, joy and love for all those who seek!

    God bless!

    -- mae
    (i finally found your blog! hehe )

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  11. Wow, beautifully written Meg. I agree that we easily become complacent with life. We end up settling on where we are, thinking something better will come our way. Life is to short to wait around for something "else" to come along.

    I think you put it best when you said "I encourage you to not lose sight of what your looking for, what your desiring to feel". If you really think about it, nothing guides us in anything more that simply the way we feel. It controls a person completely. How I want to feel controls every decision I make and I no longer wish to feel complacent.

    I am very happy with how my life turned out but I am still desiring to feel more. Guess I have been thinking of a change lately as well and didn't really realize how much till I tumbled across this post. Still undecided on how drastic of a change it will be.

    Thanks for the simple reminder, push in the right direction, spark, leading of the horse to water, all around kick-in-the-ass I needed right now. All along it has just been me getting in the way of myself, as usual.

    Again, I am not unhappy just unhappy with setting.

    By the way this reminds me of your song "The Place Where I feel The Most Like Me". It has been on repeat in my head and on my iPhone for the last 3 days since I 1st read this post. I instantly think of traveling and learning and exploring all at once every time I hear that song.

    "I'd like to think I don't have roots yet,
    Still some traveling in me. "

    Your music inspires me so much. I can apply your music to my life and even if I interpret your lyrics differently than what you intended, it still has meaning to me. That is something rare for an artist to accomplish. You touch on feelings we all have or have experienced with your lyrics. I apply these feelings that you create in me to my interpretation of the lyrics. It's almost like several of your songs were wrote to me, staring me, getting me. I think you are a brilliant song writer and can't wait to see what you write about me, uhm I mean for me, the fan, next.

    Please continue to be all that you are.

    Carpe Diem
    Todd

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  12. Thank you for writing this Meg. There's not much else I can say but that.

    You and this... This is the very reason why I've looked up to you and your band for many years. In a way, you guys have shaped me into the person I am today... Embracing all I am and can be.

    "All we are, we are."

    Thank you Meg, so so much!

    and let me add, I saw "Midnight In Paris" a couple months ago and it immediately made me want to hitch a flight to Paris asap. It was just so darn beautifully filmed...

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  13. Hi Meg,

    Thank you for this post, and thank you for "Courage, Robert". I have replayed that song in my mind a thousand times since I first heard it, and I couldn't help but think about those lyrics again while I read this post.

    When I get into those moments when there's this nagging, unquenchable, bottomless yearning for something - anything - to happen, without fail, I turn to Courage, Robert, along with Getaways turned into Holidays.

    Thanks again for the post. If I had 1 ounce of your creative expression, I would be very blessed.

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